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Being in Atlanta is a bit odd. I'm in a huge city with confusing roads and unfamiliar territory. I'm also all alone here. I'm kinda glad I picked up a laptop before I left or else this would be a very drab time. I have to be up in an hour to get ready to be at my training by 8 am and I have only slept 2 hours. Maybe it's the worry of oversleeping. Maybe it's from the long sleep I had after I got in. Either way, just laying here has made me think of a few things. Of course the first being, this day is going to be long and tiring...
It's weird. I'm laying here thinking about my life currently and my life in the past. There's a couple things that are bouncing in my head. The first is I need to change myself. I need change, but I need to work on myself for that to happen. I'm stiff and tired and weak and I need to fix that. I've let myself go. It's time to fix the temple up again. And I need to increase my positive thinking. That's going to be the toughest part. It's going to require a lot of mental change. Partly, I'm working on that now. I'm trying to break the chains in my head of how I feel about myself. I'm trying to use positive thinking to increase myself through mentally telling myself I'm smart, I'm handsome, I'm liked, I'm loved and I'm strong. Every day, I'm trying to tell myself that.

The next part has to do with my every day living. To be honest, I'm not happy with my every day life. I feel burnt out by work, by every day blah and even my relationships. I've gone from feeling all alone, to being surrounded by people to feeling all alone again within 10 years. I need to change that once again. I need to figure out something active with participation nearby. I need to find my social life again and I need to just feel again.

I was also thinking about how memories are tied to senses. Certain smells give me flashbacks of previous times. Standing outside last night smelled like Daytona Beach did in the Spring at night. It pulled me back there for a bit. And earlier, I found some old pictures on my scrapbook which brought me back too. It makes me think that sometimes we need to remember the past. Not just for the feelings and memories, but for the pieces of ourselves we left back there. It sounds weird, but I kind of feel like we leave pieces of ourselves all over. And sometimes, we just need to go back or "re-live" those places to pick them up. Maybe I'm just crazy. Either way, it's time for me to pick some back up again. I don't want to live in the past and I don't really want to just live in the now. I just want to live and breath and find my happiness.

Which kinda leads to something else I was thinking about. I want to feel like I'm wanted and not needed. I think in my mind, that's the difference between healthy relationships and unhealthy ones. If you need someone, you are denying that fact that you cannot stand on your own two feet. If you want someone, than it means you enjoy being with that person and want to actually spend time with them. Or you are a stalker...

Now... Where do I start to find something to do socially around me?

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